


Two can play at that game

by idioticfangirl



Series: The Avengers Team-Building Shenanigans [15]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dysfunctional Avengers, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Not angsty though don't worry, Some mild arguments, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Feels, Teambuilding, this is all fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 12:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4262967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idioticfangirl/pseuds/idioticfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tandem bike riding is not something that the Avengers ever thought they would do, and this is exactly why.  Complete with dysfunctional team feels, fluff and crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two can play at that game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dontbevain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbevain/gifts).



> I'm so sorry you must have thought I was giving up on this I've been on NCS and stuff omg I'm still going don't worry I will never stop

For the second time that week, and it was only Wednesday, Steve entered from his morning run to hear yelling from the kitchen. He debated ignoring it completely for favour of showering and doing some drawing, but at the sound of something breaking he decided that it was probably best that he at least went to see whether anyone was being murdered. When he got there, Tony and Wanda were facing off, muttering obscenities under their breaths. Tony opened his mouth to say something that was probably an incredibly cutting and witty remark, but Steve was not ready to deal with the fall out of another fight between those two.

"Guys, guys," he held his hands up in a show of piece, and stepped forward, wincing when he realised that the breaking sound had been a glass smashing and that there was now pieces of glass embedded in his foot. He braced himself and carried on, "what is it this time?" As expected, it was the same as before; Wanda still hadn't quite forgiven Tony for the whole Stark bomb problem in her childhood, and Tony was always on the verge of an argument with somebody. Unable to fix the resentment that had been simmering between them for more years than they had known each other, he settled for sending them into different rooms, and went back to his room for a shower, more tired from dealing with domestic spats than from his workout. 

And that was it. Steve was sick to death of no-one actually getting on in the entire team, of everybody snarking each other off and not working together until literally forced to. Only the other day, Bruce had wrecked the living room because Thor had made a joking remark about being stronger than the other guy, and Steve was intuitive enough to see that there were more problems there than Bruce let on even if Thor was blissfully unaware. In set teams, they were fine, but when in a big group there were so many little rivalries, so many invisible threads that meant they could only work with certain people, and it was obvious that that was an unhealthy way for a team guarding the safety of the entire Earth to be.

So, Steve called Fury. And, when he came to the tower to see Clint and Peter glaring at each other from the air vent and wall respectively, while Tony grumbled under his breath and Wanda lazily trailed a spark down her arm, he agreed that something had to be done.

 

Okay, so when Steve asked for something to be done, this was really not what he had expected. Being shepherded out into the middle of nowhere to find six tandem bicycles waiting for them with maps was nothing like what had been on his mind. The fear that struck him as he thought of everything that could possibly go wrong was nearly enough to persuade him to let the whole thing go, but the way that the whole team immediately split into teams of two like there was no way they could possibly work with anyone else quelled that.

"No," Fury smiled, seeming to enjoy the panic in their eyes, "I decide the teams."

In what seemed like a bid for the most dysfunctional groups in history, the teams consisted of Peter and Clint, Vision and Bucky, Bruce and Thor, Natasha and Sam, Pietro and Steve, and Wanda and Tony. Although he could see the problems coming, Steve wasn't annoyed about his partner, considering that he and Pietro got along well. Ignoring everyone's groans and protests, Fury announced that they would all have to go a different way to get to the finish, and that they would have markers to collect to prove that they had walked the right way. The person on the front of the bike would steer and the person on the back would navigate, so the first thing that they had to do was decide who went where.

Despite it not even counting as a proper task, this already proved difficult for the team. Pietro, being Pietro sped to the front of the bike, which Steve would have complained about if he didn't have far more doubts about Pietro's map reading skills than his own. Peter and Clint merely climbed on the bicycle in any order, their bored expressions already showing that they really didn't care about this, while Bruce and Thor sized each other up for a while before Bruce agreed to go in front, if only to prevent Thor from accidentally breaking the bicycle in his vigorous cycling. Sam didn't argue with Natasha when she went at the front, clearly enjoying the use of all of his limbs too much to do so, and Tony stepped off the front of the bike and went to the back after one murderous glare from Wanda. Fury had told them to leave when they were ready, so they all cycled off, leaving Bucky and Vision still politely insisting that they other person went in the front.

 

"Go go go!" Sam wheezed from behind Natasha. Only a few minutes in to the cycle, both of their competitive sides had been revealed, leading to them pushing themselves to the point of exertion to try to go faster than possible. 

"You know," Natasha smirked, turning slightly in her seat as they cycled along a straight road, "instead of fighting to keep in front of everyone, we could always just hinder them a little." Confused and out of breath, Sam just panted questioningly in answer, understanding when she reached out and carefully snagged a flag hanging off a nearby tree. It was a yellow flag, one of the markers that each team had to collect, each with a different colour to prevent confusion, and Sam and Natasha had already got two of their five.

They threw it onto the pile of red flags and continued on their way, with Natasha grinning devilishly.

Half an hour, five red flags and ten flags of numerous other teams later, they arrived at the finish point. Coulson and Fury, who were lounging in chairs and generally looking like smug bastards that hadn't had to cycle for miles, gaped at them as Natasha gracefully leapt off the bike and Sam practically fell off in an attempt not to have it collapse with him still perched in the seat.

"That was not an hour," Fury stated the obvious, raising an eyebrow, "and some of those markers aren't your's."

"We took the initiative," Natasha raised her own eyebrow in response.

"And cycled like hell," Sam groaned from his position sprawled on the ground.

 

"So," Steve began, barely even out of breath despite how hard the two of them were pedaling, "how's it going between you and Peter?"

"Fine," grunted Pietro, not really sure where he was going with that.

"If you have any problems, you can come to me," Steve offered, "since, you know, me and Tony worked everything out so well. I mean, you could go to Tony, but I wouldn't recommend that."

"Uh, thanks," he replied, trying to head off the conversation before it even got fully started. Steve, however, was unstoppable in his wisdom, rolling on as he instructed Pietro in everything that he could possibly need.

"I really don't need your help," Pietro exploded, having had enough of the nuggets of gay wisdom pelted at him from behind. He ignored Steve's subsequent apologies and focused on cycling. If he had looked behind him, he would have noticed Steve silently chuckling as he worked out more ways to make Pietro pedal faster. 

 

"Trust me, we're going the right way!" Bucky soothed his partner.

"Technically, we're going the left way," Vision pointed out, turning the bike towards the left path that Bucky had informed him they should be taking. Seeing as they were already behind due to a late start as they were unable to decide who should go where, they were trying extra hard not to give in to any further delays. Vision, however, doubted the direction they were going in, especially as they had passed no markers. When he voiced his concern, Bucky shot him down.

"Trust me, Vision, I can read a map." Both because he did trust Bucky and because he didn't want him to feel that he was doubted, Vision dutifully turned down the left lane.

 

"Okay, so in 0.2 kilometres we want to take a sharp right," Tony ordered from his spot behind Wanda.

"Are you using your phone?"

"No, I'm just especially good at reading maps, of course I'm using my phone! It's StarkTech as well, so it has signal even in this hellhole Fury sent us too, which is impressive."

"I'm not impressed."

"You're not impressed by anything I do, you don't count."

"I'm impressed by how many people you can kill with one bomb."

"Oh, this again? I don't even remember that bomb, how was I supposed to know -"

"Yeah, that should make me feel better, you sent so many bombs you don't even remember the one that ruined my life!"

"Hey, I -" Without even turning, she slapped the phone from his grasp.

After two minutes of desperate squinting, they cycled back to collect the phone from the undergrowth.

"Okay, so in 0.2 kilometres -"

"I know, Stark!"

 

"This will be far too easy for warriors such as us!" Thor exclaimed, clapping Bruce on the back with enough force to cause the bicycle to jolt a little. Bruce gritted his teeth and continued to cycle, enjoying the relative peace of the countryside even with Thor behind him. It wasn't that he had a problem with Thor, he really didn't, but...the other guy couldn't stand him. Enough that he had to hold back his irritation at every encounter with Thor, and they lived with each other. That's a lot of yoga and avoidance, even for Bruce who was used to such things.

Bruce's pensive contemplation was interrupted as Thor, unable to stay quiet for a duration longer than a few seconds, decided that now was the perfect time for many stories of his joyous battle triumphs. Bruce squeezed the handles tighter and wondered whether anyone would care if the Hulk destroyed a few trees.

 

"This would be a lot more fun if you would talk to me, you know." 

Pietro didn't answer.

"Alright, I'm sorry about the relationship advice, I was only kidding. Pietro, slow down. You can't get away from me, we're sharing a bike!" 

Pietro began to consider how hard it would be to pedal fast enough to break the bicycle.

 

 

So busy was he on his phone, Tony didn't even register the words that he was saying to Wanda until he hit the floor with a painful thud, managing to land on one particularly large rock as he went.

"You said sharp left," Wanda stated from her position on top of the bicycle, looking down on him literally now as well as metaphorically. 

Not deigning that with a response, Tony heaved himself up, wincing as he glared at the offending rock.

"You know," Wanda observed as she allowed him to struggle onto the bike without attempting to assist him, "you aren't even worth hating." Tony figured that that was as close to forgiveness as he would get from her.

 

That was definitely a tearing noise, Bruce noticed with trepidation. He had definitely just heard the sound of paper ripping, and now Thor was clearing his throat and tapping his back, this could not be good.

"My comrade," Thor began, and it was as close to meek as his booming voice got, "there appears to be a problem." Bruce hit the brakes and twisted to see, preparing for the worst. As expected, Thor was looking sorrowful, holding a piece of the map in each hand with a jagged tear down the middle. He sighed, running a hand over his face, and didn't even get to say anything before Thor suggested, "I could still read it!" As Thor attempted to twist the map back in to working order, Bruce noticed at least six other places it was going to tear very soon, so he quickly intervened.

"No, no, Thor, I can do it!" 

Thor looked dubious, "You cannot navigate and steer at the same time."

"But you're doing most of the pedaling, so it's far easier!" The statement made some sense and also flattered Thor, so it was met with agreement, and Bruce got the joy of struggling to read a map, hold it together and follow it at the same time. 

"I will help!" Thor announced as they ended up in yet another ditch, attempting to remove the map from Bruce.

"No!" Bruce yelled, and he could feel himself on the brink of a hulk-out, could feel the anger and frustration bubbling near the surface. The rational part of him knew that Thor would not obey and that this was going to end badly, and so was pleasantly surprised when Thor backed away, pulling the bike out of the ditch and waiting for Bruce to calm down enough to continue. They both apologized to each other quietly before getting on with it again.

 

As it turned out, it took more effort than Pietro had anticipated to break the bike, but he figured that he was pretty close from the creaking noises coming from it. It would have been done faster, except that what Steve didn't have in speed he made up for in stamina, keeping up with Pietro much better than anyone else other than Thor could have done. Despite the exertion it was taking on both of them, they still had the energy in them to argue.

"Slow the heck down, Quicksilver!"

"Keep up then!"

"Do you even know where we are?"

"You're supposed to be reading the map."

"It would help if I could see what we were passing, instead of blurs!" 

Luckily, Pietro's eyes were adjusted to the speed at which he traveled, and he managed to break just in time to prevent the entire contraption falling in the river that had just appeared in front of them. After that, Steve's superior bulk kept it grounded as they backpedaled so both wheels were on the floor and he was no longer hovering ominously over the rushing water.

"Okay," Steve made use of the break to read the map, "we're too far left, I would say. There should be a bridge over there," he waved a hand in the general direction. Pietro ignored him, looking across the river thoughtfully.

"No!" Steve yelled, "You are not Jesus, we cannot cycle on water, and we are going to the bridge!"

The bickering continued, and increased in volume, as they attempted to find the bridge in the thick trees and bumpy paths.

 

 

"Bucky?" Vision began quietly, "Can I look at the map?" Bucky, who was frowning at the offending paper and had long given up on insisting that he was trustworthy, readily agreed. Vision took one look at the map and wordlessly flipped it around so that it was the right way up.

"It was an easy mistake to make," he assured Bucky as they turned around, "there are no place names." Then they put their energy into cycling all the way back to the starting point, and then the same again to get to the place they were actually meant to be.

 

Panting and swearing, Steve and Pietro crossed the river and started up the hill on the other side.

"Oh look, Tony and Wanda," Steve wheezed, raising a hand in a half-hearted attempt at a wave. Tony waved back, although Steve could feel the weight of Wanda's glare from here even when he couldn't see her. It took almost fifteen minutes, but eventually they reached the top of the hill, where Tony and Wanda had already made it.

Even as they thought that their day couldn't get any worse, it was just their luck that this was the one time Wanda and Tony actually worked together. Wordlessly, they pushed them over, sending bike, superhuman and mutant tumbling down the hill and into the river.

"Why sister why?" Pietro screamed as he fell, while Tony and Wanda climbed back onto their bike, hi-fiving.

 

Surprisingly, it was Tony and Wanda that arrived second at the finish. Sam and Natasha had been waiting for two hours, both looking far more well-rested and very bored. What was even more surprising was the air of amiability that surrounded them, although Fury smirked in a knowing way which suggested that he had expected some form of camaraderie from the two of them, and probably had expected the details about why they felt it as well.

When Bruce and Thor showed up, with the markers shredded to pieces by Bruce but Thor far more polite than usual, it had been three hours since they set off.

Vision and Bucky laughed off their mistakes when they finally got there, three and a half hours after leaving.

Nearly five hours after the start, Steve and Pietro trundled up on a badly beaten bicycle. They were both soaked, grumbling, and Steve had crumpled the handlebars of his part in frustration. Nobody dared to ask what had happened.

 

Half an hour after Pietro and Steve arrived, Peter and Clint finally decided to grace the company with their presence. They were both sporting ridiculous sunglasses, which would have been okay if that had been the strangest thing about their appearance. However, Clint was lazily manning a tractor, and on Peter's lap were Starbucks cups and the remains of many foodstuffs, including, fish, chips and ice cream. Where they had obtained any of these items remained a mystery.

They hopped out idly, winking at Fury as he glared at them. Despite their lack of any markers, looking around at the other bedraggled team members it was instantly clear that they had won. While Clint shrugged off questions from everyone and nodded at Natasha, who was grinning knowingly, Peter made his way over to Pietro still standing by the remains of the bicycle and shivering.

"What happened to you?" he asked, taking in his appearance with concern but mostly poorly-concealed mirth.

"Fell in a river," Pietro replied morosely, pointing at Wanda, Tony and Steve by way of explanation. 

Without even hesitating to wonder about how on earth he could have fallen in a river, Peter held out the remains of his hot drink. "Starbucks," he sighed, relishing the look of undisguised happiness on Pietro's face as he gratefully received it and used it to warm both his hands and his tongue. It was worth the loss of his drink to stop Pietro shaking hard enough that he could have been having a seizure.

Fury looked at the way Thor was respectful of Bruce, how Peter and Clint were grinning at each other secretively and how Vision and Bucky were laughing. Tony and Wanda, although not speaking, had smiled at each other a little. Then he looked at Pietro and Steve glaring at each other from opposite sides of the group, as Pietro loudly and with many actions described to Peter what had happened, mainly for sympathy he supposed, and thought that hey, you can't win them all.

**Author's Note:**

> Seeing as I'm planning on doing a lot more of these, if anybody wants to give me any suggestions for anything the Avengers could do, I'll do them. As you've seen, I produce these really fast, and have no problem with ridiculous scenarios, so literally anything you want is fine by me, just comment or email me kitty122011@hotmail.co.uk


End file.
